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Thursday, October 25, 2012


For as long as I can remember, I have always started a countdown to my birthday at least three months before the actual date.

This year...not so much.

It has nothing to do with "getting old", because I don't think I am old - even though I have pulled out not one but TWO gray hairs this year and the man-friend is consistently reminding me that when horses get old they are sent to the glue factory. (Why he compares me to a horse is beyond me.)

Every year though I have always set out to write a somewhat reflective post on the last year of my life. Considering the fact that I haven't written much June, I figured maybe it was time to start again.

In the last year I....

Have lost a lot. Relationships with a few once important people spiraled down the drain this last year. One was inevitable; one I did not see coming at all. What is interesting is that three or four years ago - I could not imagine my life without either one of these two, but guess what? Life, it does move on. There are times it makes me tremendously sad for one reason or another, but I'm learning that relationships, romantic or platonic are not meant to last forever. People grow, they change, they move on....and that's okay. It took me some time to understand and accept that fact, but eventually I did and things were better because of it.

I lost my Dad. Which I never imagined would be as hard as it's been. I was explaining last night that even when you know something is going to happen eventually, you will never fully be prepared for the death of a parent. A part of me is missing that I will never get back, a part that in all honesty - I never wanted to admit existed. I miss being able to call him. I miss hearing his voice. And I wish I would have been easier on him, but I've learned that it's okay. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be mad. It's okay to miss him. I deal with it as it comes and it's something that I will carry with me forever - but that's okay.

This last year wasn't only about loss though. It was about trusting myself, growing up and take tremendous leaps of faith.

I packed up my life, quit my job and moved across the state to shack up with my beautiful man-friend (which was also something I didn't expect to happen). Among a year of tremendous loss, I also unexpectedly fell in love with my best friend and started a life with him. There is honestly no words that can explain the things he has brought to my life or done for me in the last year. When I thought I was broken, damaged goods, he came along and patched me back together. Being around him makes me a better person and he's accepts me for who I am. (Even when I'm cranky, snoring or crying like a baby.) He's been the one constant in my life - my fungus, my lobster, my home - and moving to be with him might have been the best decision I have made all year.

I went to school consistently and am finally finishing my damn Associate Transfer Degree. Holy Crap. It's taken me almost 7 years to do this. Procrastination at its finest. Statistics this quarter is the last damn class. When that stupid degree comes I am going to frame it and throw myself a party...because seriously...7 YEARS.

I also realized the beauty of having true friends. The ones that you can count on. The ones who will be there through every single up and down, drama filled, tear induced moment. It hasn't always been easy for the small group of us to stay on the same page, or in constant contact, but it doesn't matter - because they have been one of the few constants during this crazy ass year.

25 is coming to an end and I honestly welcome it. Bring it on world.
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